Saturday, December 19, 2009

Being true to myself

I want to first off say thank you to those of you who have been supporting me these last few weeks during this rough patch. I couldn't have made it this far without people like you.

(I might be doing a bit of rambling on, so bare with me.)

I've been doing a lot of contemplating, torturing myself, and just being down right angry these last few weeks. I haven't been in a good place unfortunately. I have had a few unfortunate hardships that made me just take a step back from my journey and what I'm trying to accomplish here. It has left me with being exhausted and frustrated. In regards to this weight loss journey that I have embarked on, I decided to not weigh in again until the 1/1/10. I am focusing way too much on the numbers and not the overall health benefits that come from losing weight. I feel that I'm not in the right frame of mind to get on the scale right now. I'm honestly okay with that. My only goal is to be in a "normal" weight range by 2/2/10. I started to faithfully keep track of my weight loss efforts on that date last year. I think this is reasonable and achievable. I have to keep reminding myself that this process doesn't happen overnight. There is no time limit that I have to keep. I need to do this one day at a time, one pound at a time. I've been through so much in my 30 years on this earth, that this weight loss thing can't defeat me. I won't let it. I'm better than that.

Well, I'm off to go exercise( I usually workout at night)now since the undefeated New Orleans Saints have a game tonight!!!13-0, hoping to continue the winning streak by destroying the poor Dallas Cowboys who are know for a string of bad luck during the month of December:P

Look for me to keep updating my emotional progress on my journey and the big weigh-in on the 1st of the year.


Friday, December 11, 2009


This week has been absolutely horrible. It started when the snow came, the van had a flat, and a few days later, we had to replace the car battery. Along with those little obstacles, I thought that I was going to be receiving some life changing news. Well the good news turned out to be not so good news, I ate and ate and ate and then cried cried cried. Why did I let my emotions take over? I haven't exercised since Monday. I'm so disappointed in myself. I totally lost control. I just blew it. I don't know why I'm getting so close to my goal and then taking a billion steps back. What the hell is wrong with me??Why can't I get a grip all of a sudden??How can I call myself a role model to my children??I'm just plain angry. Its also that time of the month. Just great. Just what I need. Bloating, mood swings, and fatigue. None of which are helpful at this point. I just feel so out of whack. I honestly don't know how to pick up the pieces. I can't believe one little thing has done so much damage:/


Monday, December 7, 2009

Goals for the week

I need to start doing this so I won't fall off as much as I have in the last few weeks. So here goes:

1.Exercise 2x per day
2. Drink at least 120 oz. of water per day
3. Go to bed before 11pm
4. Eat within my calorie range of 1400 calories
5. Use food journal daily
6. Do ab exercises during every workout

I feel that most of these goals are doable. I can't wait to see if I accomplish them all by the end of the week. Wish me luck!!


Saturday, December 5, 2009

Not beating myself up....moving on

Well if you couldn't tell by the title, I gained weight. I weighed in at 146.4, which is 1.1lbs. up from last Saturday. I'm okay with it. I know what I did wrong, so now I should concentrate on rectifying that instead of digging a deep hole for myself. I just don't think it will serve me any purpose to be angry about a number all weekend. I'm to a point where I actually don't mind looking at myself in the mirror. I'm more confident then ever. I'm GOING to step it up a notch this week. My gift to myself this Christmas is to be at a "normal" weight. I want nothing else except that. I don't think I'm going to take the weekend off from exercise. I'm so close to my goal. I just can't give up now. I don't want to be feeling like crap at the beginning of 2010. I don't want to "start over" again. Its just not acceptable. I'm better than that.

I'm going to head out and do some shopping. I'm going to look into buying a sit up bench as well. I hope you all have a great weekend. Much success at your next weigh-in;)


Friday, December 4, 2009

So stressed!!

I love my children dearly but I think they seriously were trying to have me declared insane. If it wasn't my 3 year old daughter Ayannia peeing on the floor, it was my baby girl Saiya clinging to me like velcro. I'm so freakin' tired. Now I have to clean up the lunch mess, workout, put another load in the wash, then get everyone ready to go to my 7 yr. old son Malique's school tonight to make a Gingerbread house. My four year old Kaine is overly chatty these days. When his sister doesn't want to play, he tries to force her to play. WTF??The weather isn't helping much either. My baby girl was diagnosed with pneumonia on Tuesday(she has not been herself one bit:/)so not much outside activity is going to happen since its in the low 20s today. I need a freakin' break. I really hope this stress doesn't affect my weigh-in tomorrrow. UGH!!!!I love my children!! I love my children!! I love my children!!


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Sweet 16:)

I added 9 more pounds to my ticker, which would bring me down to 129.2. I'm only 5'2, so I want to make sure that I look healthy. Some of the recommendations I've came across on the internet, say I should be at 115. I think that's a bit much. My 7 year old is 60 lbs. lol. I'm not sure why, but when I initially changed my ticker, I frowned. It feels like I just dragged myself back a few paces. I know that's not really what I'm doing. I'm not sure if those 9lbs. will make a difference or not, but I would sure like to find out. The ultimate goal is to live a healthier lifestyle;).