Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Weigh-in and Randomness

Hey guys, I'm back!!Took a little time away from blogging to focus on a few other things.  I'm now the Organizer of my local mommy group so that took some adjusting.  I thought it was going to be somewhat easy but instead its way more time consuming than it appeared to be.  As you know Halloween is fast approaching, so I've also been on the costume hunt for four children.  Talk about exhausting!!

I'm down to 147.5 this week (with hair rollers lol).  I'm very happy that I didn't give up as I desperately considered doing so a few weeks back. I was just pissed over a number even though my clothes were fitting me well and I was receiving compliments on my progress so far.  Its amazing how much numbers on a scale can affect your outlook on life.

 I've been search for a cardio-kickboxing class as my Kettlebell class ends this Sunday, but I haven't had any success in finding one:(Our community center has a ab cycling class at 5:45am on Mondays and Fridays.  I'm really eager to try this out but I'm so NOT a morning person.  I would have to wake up at 5am to be there on time.  Are you kidding me?? As a mom of four, sleep is a very precious thing to me.  I'm not sure what else is available but that time slot is just ridiculous.  I'm looking to try something new to keep me going but I have no clue how to obtain it.  Oh well, I'm sure something will peek my interest soon enough.

 I had Banana Nut Crunch for breakfast today.  I ♥ that cereal!!!! Today is my rest day so I'm going to take a nap later and curl up with a good book tonight after the kids are in bed.  Have an awesome hump day and enjoy the rest of the week!!!


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Weigh-In and Apology

I want to first start off with the apology. I'm so sorry for my ridiculous negativity on my last blog post. I've reread it a 100 times and I can't believe I actually wrote that. I mean I was just full of anger and hate for myself. I did not like the path I was headed down. Most of you(I assume) are following my blog for support and motivation and I obviously wasn't fit to give you those tools. For that I am truly sorry. I was headed to a really dark place that I didn't like the view of at all. I've worked too hard to just throw it all away I sincerely thank all of you for giving me the courage to keep trying and not give up.

Well after months of scale torture, its finally happened. I stepped on the scale of doom and it said 148.4;2.2 lbs down:;30 lbs gone since starting this blog(Lost 27lbs after the birth of my fourth child)So since October 3, 2008, I've lost 58 lbs!!!!!I broke the curse!! I focused like never before and succeeded. My mini-goal was to get to 149 and I'm there!!!If my children were awake, I think I would screamed but instead I just jumped and celebrated in silence:D Well today starts the kid's fall break, so I'm off to make breakfast and see what the day has in store.  Happy hump day and enjoy the rest of the week!!!


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Defeated and Done

Well I decided to take a step back from the scale. So for 14 days, I diligently exercised and kept a food diary. You want to know what the scale said this morning?? 150.6. That's right, its not a typo. 150.6. I'm still in the 150s. I've been in this number group since June. I must tell you that I'm to the breaking point. I'm literally busting my ass and this is what I get. Before stepping on the scale today, I had nothing but positive thoughts. My clothes are fitting better, I'm seeing more tone and definition in some areas, yet the scale knocked my clean off my high-horse. I feel stupid for admitting this but as I blog, I'm in tears. I only lost .2 pounds in TWO damn weeks. I could have sat my ass on the couch and did that. I'm to the point where I just want to raid the fridge and eat every bad thing I can get my hands on:(What is the point of being so dedicated to this journey but not seeing the results of my hard work? Why do I take my free time to exercise when I'm basically getting slapped in the face repeatedly?Unless you're on a similar journey, you will never understand my heartache. My husband didn't really know what to say to me this morning. He looked just as pathetic as I did. People tell me often that I motivate them, I'm doing a good job and one person even asked me to help them lose weight. How in the hell am I suppose to be a good motivator when I can't even get the ball moving again on my end?? I'm at the fork in the road and the options are this: on the left I see the healthy path of eating right and exercising; on the right I see the path of going back to that unhappy place and eating whatever the hell I want. I'm telling you right now that the right side is looking mighty good to me right now. Metaphorically speaking, this honestly feels like going to work overtime for months only to find out your not getting paid. I just feel like being done. I'm tired of beating myself up and feeling worn out because the scale keeps telling me I'm never going to reach my goal. I'm never going to be a weight loss success. I'm never going to win this battle.